(This is a list of behaviors observed in people who possess this competence)

• They know their own limits and don’t demand more of themselves than they are capable of.

• They are self-confident and have high self-esteem.

• They know how to rest: they get enough sleep at night and take breaks during study sessions.

• They successfully combine studying with family and social life. They exercise and spend weekends engaging in their hobbies.

• They are patient with their own limitations and seek to learn from failures.

• They feel satisfied when they do things well.

• They know how to keep a cool head during particularly tense moments by taking a step back and adopting a conciliatory role.

• They don’t become overwhelmed the moment they leave their comfort zone.

• They are sensitive to the joys and pains of others and show it naturally, without exaggerating.

• Their mood stays the same, without any sudden variations at the slightest change in circumstances. They don’t lose their temper or overreact.

• They are enthusiastic about everyday life and can laugh and have fun.

• They know how to express their feelings and share their emotions with colleagues and family.

• They use a respectful tone when correcting other people’s mistakes.

• They are patient with others and accept that not everyone works like they do.  

Behaviors in the assessment questionnaire

• Their mood stays the same, without any sudden variations at the slightest change in circumstances.

• They are patient with their own limitations and seek to learn from failures.

• They use a respectful tone when correcting other people’s mistakes.

• They don’t lose their nerve or react disproportionately when faced with conflict.

(This is a list of negative behaviors observed in people who do not possess this competence to a sufficient extent)

• Their mood is variable and unpredictable and affected by all kinds of circumstances.

• They don’t know what causes their mood swings.

• They are hyperactive sometimes, and apathetic at other times.

• They are not motivated by what they are studying and don’t ask questions about subjects in class.

• Their behavior depends on the acceptance of others.

• They’re insecure in situations they have to confront, despite having prepared.

• They become nervous and lose their composure in high-pressure situations.

• Their reactions are primal and they don’t think before speaking or acting.

• Their self-esteem fades at unfortunate moments.

• They think others have no interest in them or want them to have a hard time.

• They are driven by impulses, desires or moods.

• They express their emotions in an exaggerated way.

• They react disproportionately or violently to stressful situations.

• They interrupt conversations when they don’t agree with what is being said.

• They criticize others for their work or behavior.

• They make inappropriate comments and criticisms and use an inappropriate tone for the circumstances and the people they are addressing.

• They don’t accept corrections from family members, friends or teachers.

(Suggestions for questions that mentors can ask students to reflect on and, therefore, propose ways they think they can improve)

• Are you capable of understanding and controlling your emotions?

• Does your mood remain relatively stable?

• Do you know your abilities and limitations?

• Do you like what you are studying? Is there anything lacking in your academic or personal life?

• Do you feel unqualified to deal with difficulties or failures in your studies?

• Do you know how to keep your cool during exam time or tense moments?

• Do you react disproportionately to different circumstances? Or to other people?

• Do you have outbursts of anger?

• How do you feel when you finish a task or job that has taken a lot of hard work? How do you feel when you haven’t been able to achieve something?

• Do you successfully combine your studies with your social life? Do you take time to relax?

• Do you help others when they have problems or difficulties? Why / why not?

• Do you surround yourself with colleagues who know how to get the best out of you? Who really know you and support you?

• Do you feel supported by your family? Do you spend time with your parents when you can really tell them how you feel?

• Overcomingcravings.com is a website created by Dr. Kevin Majeres from Harvard University. It offers information and resources to train your mind to control negative emotions and build a mature personality.

• Take your time to carry out the different modules, rather than doing them all at once. Pay attention to the videos and the advice to prevent impulsive responses.

NOTE: The videos offer the option of automatic English subtitles to help with comprehension.

• Since ancient times, we’ve been advised to avoid making big decisions during difficult times.

• Thus, anger, joy and sorrow must act as an “alarm clock” to remind you not to make decisions at these moments. First of all, calm down and take a step back from your emotions. Once you have calmed down, make the decision.

• A study by Harvard University found that we spend almost half our time thinking about things we’re not doing at that moment (a song that is stuck in our head, something someone has told us, what would happen if…).

• Mindfulness is the ability to fully focus on what we are doing at a given moment. It’s more than just a fad; there are plenty of studies that show that being our best self, our creativity, the quality of our relationships and even our happiness depend largely on our ability to put 100% of our attention into what we are doing.

• To achieve this, go to the resources section for videos and articles to help you develop or improve this skill.

• Spend 10 minutes a day for two weeks doing exercises to develop your ability to focus.

• If you really get to know your inner self, you’ll realize how you react and what feelings certain actions trigger in you, so you won’t be surprised the next time. 

• For two weeks, spend 5 minutes a day identifying times when you feel good and times when you feel bad. Identify the reasons.

• Growth is only possible when we leave our comfort zone, when we go to a place where uncertainty reigns and danger lurks.

• When you come across difficult or upsetting situations, view them as an opportunity to grow and bring out the best in yourself. Think about the benefits of tackling these situations.

• When something goes well, don’t miss the opportunity to involve others in the success. Acknowledge others for their work and thank them for it.

• And when things go wrong, don’t be too quick to judge what happened. Keep your cool while you find a way out of the situation and calmly evaluate what has gone wrong and whether you could do better next time.

• Don’t be afraid to do things differently.

• Negative emotions are more common and more intense when our habits prevent us from taking care of ourselves physically.

• To avoid this, get the right amount of sleep (between seven and a half and eight hours), get regular exercise, make sure your meals are balanced and never skip meals.

• Schedule a weekly activity that you love and that you know will help you relax. In other words, treat yourself!

• The Seven Habits of Highly Emotionally Healthy People, Guy Winch

Note: In this article, psychologist Guy Winch explains his theory of “emotional hygiene” to reveal the importance of taking care of our minds as much as we take care of our bodies.

• “Mindfulness vs. Mindfullness” by Nuria Chinchilla

Note: In this post, IESE professor Nuria Chinchilla explains the importance of being aware of what we are doing and how to achieve it.

• Elogio al silencio (In Praise of Silence)

Note: Silence not only calms and settles our emotions, but also has very beneficial health effects.

• How to Gain Control of Your Emotions, WikiHow.

Note: This article presents three different methods to control our emotional impulses, which fall into different categories.

• 10 Quick Ways to Get Out of a Bad Mood, Guy Winch

Note: In this article, by contrast, Guy Winch teaches us how to break the vicious cycles of rejection and brooding, which can end up risking our health.

• Overcoming Cravings, website of Dr. Kevin Majeres

Note: Dr. Majeres’ website explains how we can lose control due to poor management of external stimuli and provides useful tips to stop getting carried away by those cravings and to truly do what we desire by exercising patience and mindfulness and getting more sleep and exercise. The website is extensive, so it can be divided into modules.

• 7 ejercicios Mindfulness que puedes realizar en casa (7 Mindfulness Exercises You Can Do at Home), Ester del Pozo

Note: The aim of mindfulness is to ensure that we fully focus on what we are doing through a few simple exercises (most lasting no more than three minutes) to stop our minds wandering and help us focus on the matter at hand. Mindfulness also helps us calm down and act on our beliefs in stressful or high-pressure situations.

• Cómo controlar las emociones: 10 técnicas que funcionan (Controlling Your Emotions: 10 Techniques that Work), Pau Navarro in Habilidad Social

Note: To avoid being driven by emotions, it is important to understand how they work and to debunk some of the alleged solutions to the problem of being controlled by impulses. After this analysis, the article goes on to describe the techniques mentioned in the title.

• Headspace.com

Note: A website where you can download an app, with 10-minute sessions to exercise the ability to focus the mind.

• Madurez psicológica y felicidad (Psychological Maturity and Happiness), Fernando Sarráis

Note: This short book takes an informative approach to explaining one of the psychological keys to happiness: maturity, or the relationship between the head and the heart, between emotions and will.

• Entender la afectividad (Understanding Affectivity), Fernando Sarráis

Note: Affectivity — understanding the cause and impact of feelings — is one of the key qualities to happiness.

• El arte de no amargarse la vida (The Art of Not Becoming Bitter with Life), Rafael Santandreu

Note: This book presents numerous case studies and stories, which the author analyzes to provide examples of emotional control and how it affects daily life.

• The Happiness Trap: The 3 Happiness Myths, Russ Harris

Note: This short video outlines three misconceptions about happiness that cause anxiety when we try to achieve happiness in ways that don’t lead to it.

• Mindfulness: The Art of Living Consciously, Andrés Martín

Note: This video explains the benefits of regularly practicing mindfulness in different areas, as well as a short explanation of how to do it.

• Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch. TED

Note: In this video, psychologist Guy Winch explains his theory of so-called “emotional hygiene” to reveal the importance of taking care of our minds as much as we take care of our bodies. He discusses a range of problems experienced by people, such as loneliness, anxiety and brooding, which can be cured with emotional first aid.

• All It Takes Is 10 Mindful Minutes, Andy Puddicombe

Note: Andy Puddicombe is an expert in mindfulness, and in this talk he discusses the importance of spending 10 minutes a day doing nothing or, in other words, reflecting a little before dealing with activities.

• The Struggle Switch, Russ Harris

Note: Russ Harris uses metaphors to explain the need to let feelings come and go without engaging with them (defusion) to lead a healthier emotional life.

• Mark Zuckerberg’s Commencement Address at Harvard

• Defusion

Note: Fight negative emotions; just let them come and go, and observe them from a distance.

• The Secret to Self-Control, Jonathan Bricker. TEDxRainier

Note: In this talk, this professor at a cancer research company in Seattle explains why it is important to confront uncontrolled emotions to take ownership of our actions and not get carried away by the cravings caused by addiction.

• Cutting Through Fear, Dan Meyer

Note: Dan Meyer recalls his experience of overcoming chronic fear to live a full life.

• Good Will Hunting, Gus Van Sant

Note: Will Hunting (Matt Damon) is a boy with an extraordinary gift for mathematics who doesn’t take advantage of his abilities due to his personal problems. At many moments in the film, especially when he interacts with Sean Maguire (Robin Williams), he becomes aggressive and is driven by anger due to problems at home and in his personal life. The film shows how being driven by emotions affects our personal and professional lives, and how we all need someone we can confide in.

• A Beautiful Mind, Ron Howard

Note: John Nash (Russell Crowe) is a young mathematical genius. However, he begins to develop paranoid schizophrenia, which affects his relationships with others, his work and his whole life. The film is a perfect example of how to manage challenging situations and to help others overcome them.

• The Beaver, Jodie Foster

Note: Walter Black (Mel Gibson) is the director of a toy company in free fall. To make matters worse, his wife throws him out of the house and his eldest son doesn’t want to see him. Amid all this misfortune, Walter finds a beaver puppet in the rubbish and begins to use it to communicate with others and rebuild his life. However, not everything goes as Walter had hoped. The film illustrates the need to express our emotions and the importance of empathy.

• Inside Out, Pete Docter and Ronnie del Carmen.

Note: This film depicts a girl’s difficult experience of moving house through the emotions she is feeling each moment. It provides a clear and simple explanation of the different emotions and how they are expressed in our actions, but above all it reveals that joy is just as important as fear, sadness and other emotions.